I named this website The Tower is Falling because that is how I see the United States and even the world: a giant tower in the sky, turning to rubble at the foundations and slowly falling apart from the bottom to the top. Everyone in the tower has windows and can look below them to see people buried in the rubble; people struggling to climb up to the next level of the tower to escape its fall as they crawl over the faces of their neighbors; people desperately trying to plug the cracks in the walls, certain they can fix it; people at the top of the tower shooting explosives at the rubble, at the lower parts of the tower itself that are still somehow intact, sometimes even at the people below. Everyone just watches from their windows (or stays away from the window so they won’t have to see), certain that someone above will fix the tower before their floor begins to crumble too. Certain that they will one day be able to climb to a higher part of the tower where it is “safe”.
Those who point out that the tower is unsafe, that we should leave the tower, that we should build something new that is better for everyone in the tower, are told they are being dramatic or naive. Even as rubble is falling down around them, even as they sometimes get hit by a falling brick, most inhabitants of the tower will argue against leaving. They cling to the walls as the only form of security they’ve ever known. “The garden outside is a lie,” they yell! Then they threaten to bomb the garden into submission if anyone ever does try to escape the tower.
I also named it for XVI The Tower card in tarot, because it can mean catastrophe, destruction, and chaos. Like XIII The Death card, it is a metaphor for change. But unlike Death, which brings about a natural progressive change (e.g. the life and death cycle, the death that happens when we move from one stage of life to another, a breakup when we have simply grown apart, etc.) The Tower shows up when you’ve held on too long to something you needed to let go of, resisted change instead of accepting it, and now, everything is falling apart around you. This is a forced change, a painful change; this is a change that occurs because for too long you wanted to ignore the obvious, put off the inevitable, bury your head in the sand.
“If we cannot free ourselves peacefully then the forces of life will arrange an explosion.
Rachel Pollack, Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom
When the Tower appears it is necessary to remember that it can lead to freedom; the explosions are clearing away some situation that has built up intolerable pressure. They can lead to new beginnings.”
It is no coincidence that this card follows XV The Devil, a card which often represents what we are addicted to and obsessed with. We could free ourselves from the chains, but we stay bound to them anyway, like an albatross around our neck. These are the situations which lead to the chaotic destruction of XVI The Tower.
In Tarot for Change by Jessica Dore (2021), she introduces XVI The Tower card by saying
Psychiatrist Harry Stack Sullivan believed that the core motivating force for all human behavior is anxiety, and that our personalities are essentially a collection of habits and strategies we gather over time to minimize anxiety, avoid disapproval, and preserve a positive sense of self. Though the development of a personality is obviously much more complex than that, the Tower can be understood as symbolizing the particular personality traits that function as a sort of buffer against the anxiety of living. And from this perspective, the Tower can go from being one of the most feared cards in the deck to a powerful blessing.
Dore goes on to say that
If our personality, our tower, is built with the bricks of behavioral patterns that make us feel protected from what we perceive as threatening, including the experience of anxiety itself, when we begin to pluck those bricks out, we feel vulnerable and exposed. Exposed to the elements of social rejection, abandonment, unworthiness, failure, unlovability, and isolation.
As humans, we are hardwired to seek comfort and stability, and all too often, terrible situations can still be the most comfortable simply because they are familiar. The intolerable becomes tolerable because it becomes normalized1; what other choice do we2 have but to keep going to work every day, even as the world falls apart around us? Living through traumas both personal and global and continuing on is what we have done all our lives, why should it be any different now?
And the more stressed out and terrified we become, the more that any change can feel like a threat. Change, even when it has the potential to be positive change, can be terrifying simply because it’s unfamiliar. Being alive in the world today is terrifying: genocide, (more) war, a morally bankrupt political class, blatant corruption at the highest levels of government, billionaire tech bros trying to end humanity, climate change, ICE in the streets kidnapping, imprisoning, and murdering our neighbors, etc.
We want something comforting and familiar to soothe our nerves and if we have the privilege to do so; we scroll past the videos that terrify us to find something that makes us laugh, something to buy, something to bait our rage (a quick catharsis for the very real rage we feel at having seen whatever fresh horrors occurred in the world today), something to trigger our nostalgia for a better time in history that we wish we could go back to where everything was fine and everyone got along and everything was affordable3.
We want something that will make us feel safe and protected in a chaotic and frightening world, so we buy surveillance tools, build walls, and allow our rights to be eroded in small ways here and there in exchange for a feeling (an illusion) of safety. Please, God, let it happen to someone else and not me! Instead of trying to achieve justice so “it” doesn’t happen to anyone, we anxiously pray “it” doesn’t happen to us.
I believe that to hold “leftist” ideals (like an egalitarian society where we take care of one another and pool our resources to provide everyone with a comfortable home to live in, healthy food to eat, a free and comprehensive education from pre-K through college, free quality healthcare for all — regardless of employment, reparations for those who have been harmed by our past evils, taking imminent action on the climate catastrophe, the end of slavery and human trafficking, equal rights regardless of financial power, gender, sexuality, or skin-color, an end to the obscene amounts of wealth that can buy governments and shield pedophiles, etc.) is an inherently optimistic and hopeful act in this world.
I believe that conservatives and moderates, on the other hand, are inherently pessimistic and fearful. They are terrified of change. Period. Any change at all is viewed with suspicion and anger (even though what they are afraid might happen is in actuality, often what is already happening to them or to someone else). They fight against any possibility that the world could be made a better place. Their entire worldview is based on what the talking heads of their religion or “news” podcast tells them to believe and what are they told? Humans are inherently flawed and sinful and need the carrot of heaven and the stick of hell to keep them from doing terrible things (despite so much evidence to the contrary). Knowledge is sinful. Women are inherently sinful. BIPOC people want to take everything you have and the Democrats want to give it all away. The reason everything is terrible is because women can vote and a black man can be president and the younger generation has no respect. They repudiate verifiable evidence in favor of emotional (angry, fearful) rhetoric that aligns with what they already believe about the world.
“When education is not liberating, the dream of the oppressed is to become the oppressor.”
Paulo Freire, Pedagogy of the Oppressed
My partner and I have had many discussions around the nature of trauma (both personal and global). I am forever fascinated by the idea of epigenetics and the fact that we can carry trauma through the womb, grandmother to granddaughter and what this must mean for us as a society which endures trauma regularly (what effect does gun violence, war, genocide, rape, torture, slavery, etc. have on individuals and groups, even those that merely witness or even those who perpetrate these terrible acts?).
I am of the mindset that there are three types of ways that we respond to trauma, both individually and as a group/community. There are those who were traumatized and begin to see the world as bully/bullied, oppressor/oppressed, boss/employee, master/slave, etc. In a world of “winners” and “losers” they want to be a “winner” and thus not only avoid being hurt as much as possible, but also hurt those who fall below them in the game of race or gender or class. Then there are those who were traumatized and seek reparations from and change to the person or system that hurt them so that no one else will be harmed. Finally, the third group tries to keep their head down to avoid being hurt, and though they’ll admit hurting others is wrong, they’ll play along with it or sweep it under the rug as long as they aren’t being hurt by it. Both the first and the third group are ruled by their fear and anxiety of change.
A fear of discomfort, of fear itself, of anxiety, will keep you locked in the tower and you will refuse to leave even as it becomes increasingly dangerous, simply because what is outside the tower is completely unknown. Living out of fear that the world is a terrible place and humanity is inherently evil and you are isolated and must protect yourself from everyone can only lead to extinction.
Dore says that
The Tower falls when we realize that anxiety in itself is not dangerous. The danger comes from the intricate ways we attempt to outrun and escape it. These patterns of avoidance are what create problems for us beyond the natural pain of living. But there are simply better and more life-giving ways to cope with stress than building patterns that act like cement walls.
She goes on to tell us where we can find hope in XVI The Tower, writing
We built walls in a time when we thought that anxiety itself was a threat to life, but the reality is we can both tolerate and learn from it. We can live with not being liked, we can survive being misunderstood, we can make mistakes, we can feel bad. Having released the goal of avoiding discomfort as much as humanly possible and by any and all means necessary, we free ourselves up to pursue new visions that aren’t about the absence of suffering but rather the pursuit of fulfillment, connection, and the stuff that makes life worth living. What a relief this turns out to be. To realize that not only can we take our walls down, we can do so regardless of whether anxiety goes away. We can live really beautiful, fulfilling lives with anxiety instead of feeling like we have to avoid it.
It can feel uncomfortable and maybe even unpleasant to take in new information that conflicts with our beliefs, and many of us are raised to avoid discomfort at all costs. But in order to grow as individuals and as a species, we must be open to discomfort. When I was a teenager I remember hearing often from people that “you will get more conservative as you get older”, and yet everyone I am close to has had the opposite experience. I know this is anecdotal, and I’m not arguing that this is the norm, but I bring it up because the more I have learned about the world the more I have become disillusioned with it, but also, the more I have been convinced that a better world is not only possible, but that we all have the power to make it so.
We must first be willing to accept our own agency, though, and I think this can be difficult. Because when you have agency, you must also accept responsibility. If you can make the world a better place, then you must. It is far easier to assume that everything is lost, that it is hopeless, that the world is ending and there is nothing we can do. It is far easier to accept the narrative we have been sold that only superheroes or exceptional people can effect change and that it is one “bad guy” we need to get rid of and not an entire system of oppression. It is far easier to say, “there is no ethical consumption under capitalism” and keep consuming mindlessly and shopping wherever you want or to put all your eggs into the voting basket and calling it a day rather than sacrificing little luxuries or demanding justice and accountability from those we have voted for4. It is far easier to believe that you can’t, because if you can, then you must.
The only way that we will make it through this to the other side is if we believe that a better world is possible and act according to that possibility. Conservatives want to end the world, want to strip it for parts, want to destroy humanity. This is the choice of pessimism and fear. We must do the opposite. We must come together in hope for a better world and out of love for humanity. Where they destroy we must build. Where they are cruel we must be kind. Where they allow suffering we must provide comfort. Where they are unjust we must be just. What they would destroy we must protect.
This is not going to be easy. It is not going to be convenient. It will require sacrifice and discomfort and letting go of things we might rather keep. But it is the least we can do; for too long we have allowed others to suffer in our name. For too long we have used the scales of justice to weigh convenience and stability (for us) as heavier than people’s lives. We have allowed others to bear the cost of our comfort because we simply did not want to know or did not want to do anything about it.
We normalize the horrors of the world through our inaction.
Are you waiting for things to get worse? What is your line in the sand? What would compel you to act? Is the line concentration camps? If so, that’s already happening. Is the line slavery? If so, that’s already happening. Is the line police and government agents murdering people in the street? If so, that’s already happening. Is the line rapists and pedophiles in our government and churches? If so, that’s already happening. Is the line blatant corruption in our politics? If so, that’s already happening.
We are looking outside of ourselves for answers, for someone to tell us what to do, for a sure thing, for the thing that will maintain the status quo (for us at least). Whatever will keep us safe and avoid anything changing too much. But we already know the answer. We already know what to do. We have centuries of history that have told us what has worked and what hasn’t and why things are the way they are.
If genocide is wrong, we must oppose it. If masked men kidnapping our neighbors is wrong, we must oppose it. Not in thought but in action.
There are no guarantees in life, and certainly none that this will turn out well for us, whatever happens. But if we don’t try, we can be certain it will turn out terribly for all of us. There is no way to avoid change; instead, we must learn to guide and shape it5. We must take action in accordance with our ethics and our ideals. We must do what we are capable of, but we must be honest about that. What I mean is, “capable” does not mean “easy” or “convenient”. It does not mean without sacrifice. Others have been sacrificing and being sacrificed on the alter of our comfort and convenience for so long we can hardly claim that as a reason not to act now, late as we are. Some have never had a choice.
“When apparent stability disintegrates,
Octavia Butler, Parable of the Sower
As it must–
God is Change–
People tend to give in
To fear and depression,
To need and greed.
When no influence is strong enough
To unify people
They divide.
They struggle,
One against one,
Group against group,
For survival, position, power.
They remember old hates and generate new ones,
The create chaos and nurture it.
They kill and kill and kill,
Until they are exhausted and destroyed,
Until they are conquered by outside forces,
Or until one of them becomes
A leader
Most will follow,
Or a tyrant
Most fear.”
Simply put, there is no way to avoid all risk and sacrifice; but if you don’t willingly prepare now you will be so caught off guard when it finally happens. And not only will you not have prepared, you will have had no part in shaping the changes. Instead, you will have given up your humanity bit by bit; every time you allow decisions to be made for you, every time you allow comfort and convenience to trump your moral and ethical boundaries.
We are falling off a cliff into a reality where we will be nothing more than machines. Everything will be fast and convenient and easy because it will be a hollow facsimile of reality: an AI generated world and you the machine that powers it with your labor and consumption6. Nature destroyed and humanity erased. And Peter Thiel and his shitty little cabal of tech bro billionaires will erode critical thinking, imagination, art, curiosity, and humanity until the concepts no longer exist7.
I named this blog Thoughts at 11:59:59 because I feel as though we are living in a terrible moment that seems to go on in perpetuity, a ceaseless tension that never breaks, a pressure that only ever continues to build without release. We have the same circular conversations, practice the same hollow rituals, go about our lives on autopilot out of habit, not because we believe we are really headed anywhere. And yet, it is that Sisyphean task which continues to power the very system that grinds us down. We are the cause of our own destruction because, like the couple in the XV The Devil tarot card, we cannot see that we are able to take our chains off, if we only claim the agency to do so.
This year, the “Doomsday Clock” reached 85 seconds until “midnight”, ticking us closer towards “the theoretical point of annihilation” and no amount of Zoloft can quell the anxiety I feel each day when I read the news. Sometimes I am reminded of the moment that Eleanor Shellstrop exclaimed (spoiler for S1 Ep 13 of The Good Place incoming):
It took me a while to figure it out, but just now as we were all fighting, yelling at each other and each one of us demanding we should go to the Bad Place, I thought to myself, “Man, this is torture.” And then it hit me: they’re never gonna call a train to take us to the Bad Place. They can’t… because we’re already here. This is the Bad Place.
I sometimes wonder to myself whether this human-made hell of a reality we’ve created on a planet that has all the potential of a literal paradise is the true Bad Place. I find myself continually frustrated at the fact that everything terrible about being alive today is a decision that we make every time we prioritize our comfort over someone else’s life, every time we give away our agency, every time we accept that the “rules” of capitalism, race supremacy, and gender supremacy are absolute incontrovertible truths instead of ideas we made up and which are continually evolving.
As a society we accepted all manner of corruption, human rights abuses, violence, terror, trauma, plundering, ignorance, surveillance, enslavement, imprisonment, injustice, and cruelty as long as it was happening to someone else. So long as it fit with our idea of how “the world works”. We have become so addicted to the pursuit of comfort and pleasure and convenience that we are participating in our own destruction.
But we can choose to stop it. We can (passively) stop participating in systems that oppress us. We can (actively) stop those systems from existing. We can demand justice now.
They want to steal everything from you: your creativity, your agency, your community, your empathy, your thoughts, your connections, your humanity, your health, your life, your money, your power, your home, your identity, your earth, your body, your will, your morals, your soul . . .
But you don’t have to let them.
“The children are always ours, every single one of them, all over the globe; and I am beginning to suspect that whoever is incapable of recognizing this may be incapable of morality.”
James Baldwin
There is so much art and history in the world that tells us what they have done and what they will try to do to take our humanity from us (I’ve listed many of them in the footnotes)8. But there is also so much art and history that tells us what we are capable of when we stand together against injustice and what marvelous and beautiful things we are capable of creating as a species.
Now, more than ever, we need to imagine a better future. We need actions to go viral, not content (we need to stand with Chicago and Minnesota and L.A. and Palestine). We need to be curious, to think critically, to read, to write. We need to pay attention and notice9 the patterns and the changes taking place. We need to stop normalizing the unnatural cruelties that are being inflicted upon us. We need to sow the seeds for a better future, even if it is not one we will live to see. We need to educate ourselves. We need to disobey if an order is immoral or unethical. We need to find community. We need to protect our neighbors. We need to boycott companies that are making the world worse. We need to stop surveilling one another. We need to help those in need and love our neighbor as ourselves. We need to follow the golden rule.
You cannot do everything and you cannot “fix” the world all on your own. But all of us together can create a better world. All of us choosing to do what is right instead of what is easy can lead to that world. You need only begin.
- Watch Hypernormalisation ↩︎
- A disclaimer about the use of pronouns like “we” and “us” and “you” in my writing: I’m using these pronouns to show how we are all collectively responsible for the world we are creating together, regardless of individual actions and inactions. As a species, as a people, as a country, we have created this situation, even if individually we may have varying degrees of responsibility in accordance with our privilege and context. I am not using “we” and “us” to assign blame, but rather to ask that we take accountability for the world we live in and where we need to improve if we are to create a better one. ↩︎
- Watch Pleasantville. ↩︎
- An extremely dangerous mentality; voting is only the beginning and “voting blue no matter who” is not solving any problems. If it were, we wouldn’t be here now. If it were, there wouldn’t always be just enough Democrats voting alongside Republicans to ensure they always get what they want. If it were, the Democrats would do what was best for their base instead of what was best for their donors. Concentration camps were happening under Obama and Biden, not only Trump. When Democrats and moderates bring up “identity politics” as the reason the party can’t win (despite Trump running on white identity politics), and we take that bargain to save our own boats, we are suggesting that some people are expendable. Whose rights are allowed to be trampled on so that we can live more comfortably? Are concentration camps and slavery fine if you don’t have to hear about them? ↩︎
- Read Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower. ↩︎
- Watch The Matrix. And Black Mirror. ↩︎
- Watch Idiocracy. Watch The Circle. Read 1984. Read Farenheight 451. Read Brave New World. Read Amusing Ourselves to Death. Watch Wall-E. ↩︎
- Watch Parasite. Read “Letter from a Birmingham Jail”. Watch Twilight Zone. Watch Interview with the Vampire (2022). Watch Como Agua Para Chocolate (2024). Watch Get Out. Watch Us. Watch Sinners. Read Coriolanus. Read The Handmaid’s Tale. Read On Tyranny. Read How Nonviolence Protects the State. Watch Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. Read The Serviceberry. Watch Them. Read Kindred. Read “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas”. Read Citizen. Read Betwen the World and Me. Watch Jojo Rabbit. ↩︎
- Haven’t you noticed how strange the weather has been? ↩︎
The Tower is Falling 
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